Hi, my name is Amanda and I'm a secret blog stalker.

I get better at introducing myself to people if I know more about them than they know about me. I guess because I need to know I have something to talk about if we hit the awkward 8 seconds of silence. Hate that! I don't comment on any blogs unless I have read from post 1 until the end. I just can't do it any other way. If you haven't currently done that with our blog I won't be upset. I will be confused though when you ask me about my old job or where we used to live.

This past weekend was so awesome. I really can't describe it any other way. I worked more than I did the week before so by Friday I was ready to do something fun. I really love my JenAmy back home (that would be my two BFF's Hollywood name. Yes, I just went there). They totally get me. They know I'm opinionated like no other, I hardly wear makeup because I'm too lazy to put it on, and Wahoo's has a way to get the good conversations going. Mmm...ok side note sorry. I hadn't done anything remotely girlie since we got here, and by my calculations its been 5 months without girl time. I'm surprised I hadn't sprouted some chest hair by now. Ew.

I was humbled and almost giddy when some Chem friends asked if I wanted to go see Twilight. Let me think. Girl time, Mexican food, watching half naked hot men on a humungous screen. I'm IN! It just so happened Taylor had some guy time at the basketball game so there was zero guilt on my part. It was all such a good deal. Then on Saturday I babysat for some adorable kids. The poor things have names so unique they will no doubt be movie stars one day. But they were sweet nevertheless, and I always enjoy spending time with kids.

That night we were invited to a get together, ok party at a friend's house. I haven't had that much fun in a while. I think I gave someone a shock of her life when I told her I didn't drink. Like ever? Um, probably once a month when there a full moon and I've had the worst day ever. That's when I'll drink. I still very much enjoy playing drinking games with my lemonade in hand and the ability to drive home later. Call me what you want. Someone actually called me a Puritan one time. Of course we were debating Gay Marriage so she might have a different opinion now but who knows. She was the one that got in trouble. Not me. Theme of my life. Once again on a side note. Hm.

Today was a Lazy Sunday. My favorite kind. Still a little freaked about the upcoming flight but God's got me. He'll always be a fan of me so I'm working about not worrying about anything. As I say this I have to work in 7 1/2 hours. Ug. Fun stuff! Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. I feel like this was one of those times when I think, "They like me, they REALLY like me!" And simultaneous heart strings are pulled. God Bless!

Family

We try very very hard to avoid talking about church with other people. Not necessarily about how Jesus is amazing and you should give your life to Him and all. More like WHERE we go to church. We are currently church-less. I hate saying that. I don't want to tell people that because just a while ago we were professing our undying love about the church we love in Orange County. We want so badly to call some Ann Arbor church home. But there's so much that goes into it. Of course there's gotta be a story to it.

Taylor grew up with amazing parents. They were "church goers," when necessary, but it was not until my FIL had a very near death experience they decided to make church a priority. God works in funny ways and this is what my in-laws call, "God hitting you in the face with a 2 by 4 when before he was tapping you on the shoulder." They found a local church, met some amazing people and pastors, and stayed in that particular denomination for eights years. They grew closer to Christ, to each other, they were involved deeply in church activities and boards, they were all around good people to have helping out.

As they say, all good things come to an end. The pastors decided to lead another church, and a new pastor came along. He is known among us as "The Dictator." The guy that fired the choir, played sexual movie clips during SERMONS to somehow display a point, preached about The Chronicles of Narnia for two months because the stupid movie came out, and told people my MIL lied to him. Obviously, the last one upset us the most. It was a pretty big blow for my in-laws because they loved the church and all the people involved with it. They couldn't believe that level of hostility could be involved with a God fearing man. It didn't make sense.

It was interesting to see the events unfolding in front of me because the situation was similar in some ways to events that happened to my church growing up. Although I can't say I had any crazy pastors. Preachers as they say. In fact, I loved all the preachers we ever had. That was the problem. The last preacher I admired so much was asked to leave. I believe it was a low blow. So did my parents, so we left. I have yet to hear of another time my mother cried than when that happened. It left such a bad taste in our mouths and there was no way we could stand behind the insult.

There's a lot more history to our story but I won't go into all the details. Basically there were a lot of times we both separately felt disconnected from our church families. It wasn't about the sermons or singing, we were missing a connection that everyone seemed to have. We had friends of course, but there was so much more to it. It was bad enough when we first met because my mother was having a cow over me going to church with Taylor. She doesn't see things the way I do about church. She's come a long way from then so I give her a lot of credit now. It took some years though.

Years and tears later, we found The River. Every single need we ever had before we came there, it was met once we walked through the doors. It was incredible. We met so many people that had their arms open for us at all times. Amazing worship, amazing fellowship, amazing gift we were given to have met everyone involved with that church. It was so hard to say goodbye to everyone when we left for Michigan. There is no way we will find something as special as what we had back home.

I was so hopeful coming out here because I knew of a similar style church in Ann Arbor. I thought for sure it would be everything we were looking for. We went and were tragically disappointed. I don't mean to be dramatic but I was in tears on the way home from visiting. It was like we had to say goodbye all over again. We talked about the church right after the service and realized they were missing too many things.

1. No one talked to us. Not a single person said one word to even make us feel welcome. Even the bloody greeters! I even tried to say hi to someone at the coffee station and he didn't acknowledge me. Nice.
2. For some reason they decided to cram SEVENTEEN people on a tiny stage for worship. It was not joyful worship. I felt like I was at a bad concert where every musician thought they were in the spotlight. It was off putting.
3. The only thing I remember about the sermon was it was a powerpoint presentation with cool graphics. I think we used the Bible, but that's questionable.

We don't want to give up. We won't because God is too good to us. But we miss everything! I'm hoping for some good to come out of this. He always has a plan, I never know what will happen. Currently I'm not crying because of the emending doom (flight) next week. That is a miracle in itself. Keep praying for me though. I still need all the help I can get. Even through all the crap Taylor's parents went through, they found a church they love. So did my parents. That gives me hope. I just know it won't be as good as the family we have back home.

You were always on my mind

There was a time in my life I did not fear flying. I do now.

I would say I've been on at least 300 flights in my life. At least. Prior to November 2007, I wanted to be a flight attendant. I would help other people sitting next to me to feel safer because I would talk them through each process of the flight. I've considered some airport terminals my own personal timeout space to relax. I've met numerous pilots, flight attendants, frequent fliers, and airport terminal employees. I know all the facts of safety. If someone were to tell me then I would be afraid of flying in the future, I would have called them a ranting liar. I would have laughed. I would have never even considered the idea of it happening. Flash forward some time. My nightmare has come true.

The fear happened to occur to me I was afraid of flying during a time when I flew about every 2 weeks or so. I don't know why I'm afraid. Oh, and its only before the plane takes off. Once we get going, the anxiety is gone. I've been trying to figure out why for the last two years but I have no explanation. Leaving me to think I'm crazy or something. If you've never experienced intense irrational fear, you won't get it. If you laugh at people with intense irrational fear, you really don't get it. I can't explain it. I can only tell you the things I've faced.

On a flight home to LAX in 2008, I had a panic attack. It was crippling. I had pushed the call button before take off and felt so horrible to cause so much trouble. It was there I met my first angel. I call them that because that is the only way they can be explained. The angels are people in airports or in airplanes that helped me the overcome the fear of the moment, and get myself to where I needed to go. They were always random, always people I would talk to first and tell my challenges I was facing. Of course there were some people that shied away from me. That's how you know there are still good people out there. The angels that help.

Most of them were woman, but the men were equally helpful. Most of them business men with families. It really didn't matter what they said. As long as I had someone there to help me. I always say you can see God in any situation. Even in my terror, He was more prevalent than anything else. I had to go through 17 flights with my fear. Sometimes the fear went almost completely away. Other times I would be crying before take off. You know what happened? A perfect stranger changed her seat, put her left hand on my back and prayed for me. What better could she have done for me? What an incredible thing to have done.

As for the pilots and flight attendants? Complete lifesavers. Every flight I went on was another opportunity to meet more amazing people. They would make me laugh through my tears, and give me a reason to take that extra deep breath. They always made me feel better. One time a flight attendant actually sat next to me and talked me through a take off. The others that couldn't sit next to me always kept close tabs on how I was doing the entire flight. There are still many good people out there. I met only a few.

As I sit here typing this, the anxiety has been coming in waves. The inevitable is coming because we're going home to see family for Thanksgiving. I've been so good not to think about it for the past month since we've known. The time is just coming a lot faster than my fear had planned. Its so frustrating because I know my family is there. They'll pick us up from the airport, we'll have turkey on Thanksgiving, we'll go to our church on Sunday. But until I reach 30,000 feet, I'm anxious.

God works in mysterious ways. I don't know why I'm having anxiety about flying. There are many theories I could come up with as I'm sure you could too. The fact is, I just need prayer. I need it so badly. I need to know God is with me every step of the way. I'm so thankful Taylor will be with me this time. I'm sure he'll need the prayer as well to get through helping me. I believe God can heal me of this. I believe it and I believe in the power of prayer. Even if you don't know me, I appreciate all the help I can get. I know I will get on that plane. I know I'll fly home, see my family, and have a wonderful weekend. I know I'll fly home many times after that but for now I'm focusing on this time.

Thank you.

God Bless!

Dude

Not having a computer charger is like the worst thing for my mental health. I'm actually blogging right now! Its a miracle! There is way too much to post about as of this moment. But I just needed to soak my feet in some warm soapy blogging ooze. There goes my growling tummy once again...I need to do something about that. Til next time, check out my douche bag of a husband. Ain't he cute?