You were always on my mind

There was a time in my life I did not fear flying. I do now.

I would say I've been on at least 300 flights in my life. At least. Prior to November 2007, I wanted to be a flight attendant. I would help other people sitting next to me to feel safer because I would talk them through each process of the flight. I've considered some airport terminals my own personal timeout space to relax. I've met numerous pilots, flight attendants, frequent fliers, and airport terminal employees. I know all the facts of safety. If someone were to tell me then I would be afraid of flying in the future, I would have called them a ranting liar. I would have laughed. I would have never even considered the idea of it happening. Flash forward some time. My nightmare has come true.

The fear happened to occur to me I was afraid of flying during a time when I flew about every 2 weeks or so. I don't know why I'm afraid. Oh, and its only before the plane takes off. Once we get going, the anxiety is gone. I've been trying to figure out why for the last two years but I have no explanation. Leaving me to think I'm crazy or something. If you've never experienced intense irrational fear, you won't get it. If you laugh at people with intense irrational fear, you really don't get it. I can't explain it. I can only tell you the things I've faced.

On a flight home to LAX in 2008, I had a panic attack. It was crippling. I had pushed the call button before take off and felt so horrible to cause so much trouble. It was there I met my first angel. I call them that because that is the only way they can be explained. The angels are people in airports or in airplanes that helped me the overcome the fear of the moment, and get myself to where I needed to go. They were always random, always people I would talk to first and tell my challenges I was facing. Of course there were some people that shied away from me. That's how you know there are still good people out there. The angels that help.

Most of them were woman, but the men were equally helpful. Most of them business men with families. It really didn't matter what they said. As long as I had someone there to help me. I always say you can see God in any situation. Even in my terror, He was more prevalent than anything else. I had to go through 17 flights with my fear. Sometimes the fear went almost completely away. Other times I would be crying before take off. You know what happened? A perfect stranger changed her seat, put her left hand on my back and prayed for me. What better could she have done for me? What an incredible thing to have done.

As for the pilots and flight attendants? Complete lifesavers. Every flight I went on was another opportunity to meet more amazing people. They would make me laugh through my tears, and give me a reason to take that extra deep breath. They always made me feel better. One time a flight attendant actually sat next to me and talked me through a take off. The others that couldn't sit next to me always kept close tabs on how I was doing the entire flight. There are still many good people out there. I met only a few.

As I sit here typing this, the anxiety has been coming in waves. The inevitable is coming because we're going home to see family for Thanksgiving. I've been so good not to think about it for the past month since we've known. The time is just coming a lot faster than my fear had planned. Its so frustrating because I know my family is there. They'll pick us up from the airport, we'll have turkey on Thanksgiving, we'll go to our church on Sunday. But until I reach 30,000 feet, I'm anxious.

God works in mysterious ways. I don't know why I'm having anxiety about flying. There are many theories I could come up with as I'm sure you could too. The fact is, I just need prayer. I need it so badly. I need to know God is with me every step of the way. I'm so thankful Taylor will be with me this time. I'm sure he'll need the prayer as well to get through helping me. I believe God can heal me of this. I believe it and I believe in the power of prayer. Even if you don't know me, I appreciate all the help I can get. I know I will get on that plane. I know I'll fly home, see my family, and have a wonderful weekend. I know I'll fly home many times after that but for now I'm focusing on this time.

Thank you.

God Bless!